


do you think you can find it

by ceteiq



Series: "and a place to rest my head" [3]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Begging, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Underage Prostitution, Mpreg, Past Homelessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23866534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceteiq/pseuds/ceteiq
Summary: A ficlet based on my fic "and a place to rest my head," for the prompt:A deleted scene from the main fic, between Jaskier and Rian(In which Jaskier and his son go for a walk and discuss his past on the streets.)
Series: "and a place to rest my head" [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719994
Comments: 18
Kudos: 308





	do you think you can find it

**Author's Note:**

> hello, so i asked for prompts on tumblr related to my fic "[ **and a place to rest my head**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23097559/chapters/55259602)" and this is for the prompt "A deleted scene from the main fic, between Jaskier and Rian." thank you to the anon who requested it!
> 
> note: i imagine this actually taking place in the "future" in relation to where my fic is now (chapter 32), but not too far in the future. imagine jaskier and geralt and rian have been living in the new cottage for maybe a week or two.
> 
>  **warnings:** mention of past child abuse, discussion of past hunger and poverty, implication of past underage survival sex work. also this fic takes place in omegaverse and there is mpreg, in case that's not your thing!

It's a cool autumn day, Geralt is gone on a contract, and Rian and Jaskier are in town together with no particular purpose.

They walk down the cobblestone streets, hand in hand, and Rian points out elements of the outdoor world that he's only become acquainted with in the past five months.

"That's a bird," he says, indicating a crow.

"That's right, it's a crow."

"A crow," Rian repeats. "And that's a dragonfly," he says, as one buzzes over their heads.

"Yes, it certainly is."

"And those are clouds," Rian says solemnly, pointing up at the billowing clouds above them.

Jaskier smiles. "Indeed they are," he says. "Do you see any shapes in them?"

Rian frowns upward toward the sky for a few long moments, then shakes his head. "No. Like what?"

"I think I see a dog," says Jaskier. "Do you remember we saw a dog in town a few weeks ago?"

Rian nods. "It was running."

"Yes, it was chasing after a bird, wasn't it? So do you see that cloud that looks like a doggie running? See, there's a tail, and a head..."

"Ooh, I see it!" exclaims Rian, with an excited little hop.

Jaskier laughs. "Good! And let's see, that could be a dragon maybe, next to the dog. A dragon breathing fire, with—"

"What's _he_ doing?" Rian cuts in, and he comes to a stop and points.

"Who?" asks Jaskier.

" _Him_ ," says Rian, pointing more emphatically across the street, toward a thin old man in rags who's sitting by the side of the road, holding out a small bowl.

"Oh," says Jaskier quietly. "He's, um. He's begging."

"What's that?"

"It means he needs money, so he's asking strangers to give him some." Jaskier squeezes Rian's hand. "Come here," he says, and together they walk across the street.

The man looks up at the sound of approaching footsteps, revealing his eyes, cloudy and white.

"Anything you can spare," he says weakly, lifting his bowl a bit higher. "Anything at all."

And fuck, Jaskier remembers what it was like to utter those same words, day in and day out— remembers the humiliation he'd felt, the desperation, the bitterness.

The man lets out a hacking cough, and Rian tightens his grip on Jaskier's hand. "He's scary," he whispers. "Why are his eyes weird?"

"Shh, honey. His eyes are like that because he's blind," says Jaskier quietly, gently. "He's not scary, okay?" And he's not— not at all. He's just a sad old beta, in need of help. 

Jaskier has a hundred orens with him right now, in a small leather pouch in his pocket. He withdraws it.

"Sir," he says then, stepping closer to the man, and Rian follows suit.

The man coughs again, holding his empty bowl even higher.

"This is a hundred orens," Jaskier tells him. He drops the pouch of money into the bowl. "Get something to eat, okay? Maybe some medicine for that cough. And some blankets."

The man's mouth falls open. "Thank you," he says, his voice quivering with emotion. "Oh, thank you." He coughs again, violently, then tries to smile. "May the gods bless you. Thank you."

"You're welcome," says Jaskier. And then, before he can start crying, he turns on his heel, gives Rian's hand a little tug, and leads him away.

"You gave him money," Rian says.

"I did."

"How come?"

"Because he needed it more than we do."

"How come?"

"Because he's sick, and cold. His clothes had holes in them. I bet he hasn't eaten in a few days. I bet he'd been sitting out there for hours without anyone giving him anything."

"How do you know?"

Jaskier sighs. "Because I used to be just like him," he says. "When I was pregnant with you, and homeless."

"Were your eyes all white?"

"No," says Jaskier, with a small smile. "No, but I was a beggar."

"You sat on the ground with a bowl?"

"I didn't have a bowl. But yeah. I sat on the ground and asked for money."

"How come?"

"Because I needed money, Rian. I didn't have a job. No one wanted to hire me. When I had enough energy I'd play my lute, and try to make money that way. But usually I'd be so tired that all I could do was sit and beg."

"You were tired?"

Jaskier nods.

"How come?"

"Well... lots of reasons. My body was growing a person, for one thing," says Jaskier, nudging Rian gently in the side.

"Me?" asks Rian.

"That's right," Jaskier smiles. "And when you're growing a whole other person inside you, you need lots of sleep, and lots of food, or you'll get really tired."

"Sleep and food," Rian echoes.

"Yes. But I didn't always have very much food. And I didn't always sleep very well either. Sometimes I couldn't fall asleep at _all_ , because the ground was so hard, and because I was so scared, being outside all alone. And when I _did_ fall asleep, people would be mean to me. They'd see me sleeping and they'd wake me up, or hurt me, or try to steal from me."

"The Bad Men?"

"Sometimes they were Bad Men. But sometimes they were just mean people."

"Why were they mean?"

"I don't know why, Rian," Jaskier says, squeezing Rian's hand. "Some people are just mean."

"Not Daddy though," says Rian.

"No," says Jaskier. "Not Daddy, you're right."

Rian is silent for a few moments. He seems to be deep in thought. Then he asks, quietly, "What if no one gave you money?"

"Well, often they didn't," Jaskier tells him. "Sometimes I'd sit there begging all day and only make five or ten orens."

Rian frowns. "That's a little bit? Or a lot?"

"It's a very little bit," sighs Jaskier. "Not even enough to buy a meal."

"So then what?"

"So then I'd— well, sometimes I'd look for piles of garbage, and I'd dig through them trying to find food."

"Yucky food, like in Szymon's rubbish bin?" asks Rian.

"Very yucky food," Jaskier agrees.

"What if there wasn't any food but only one carrot and it was all slimy?" asks Rian. "And then your belly hurt so much?"

Jaskier knows, all too well, that Rian is speaking from experience. He remembers that fucking slimy carrot, and the beating Rian had received when Szymon had caught him eating it.

"Uh," says Jaskier. "Well. When... when I still couldn't find food, I'd, uh." He lets out a shallow breath and squeezes his eyes shut, hard, fighting back tears.

"You'd what?"

"I'd let Bad Men hurt me," Jaskier whispers.

"You _let_ them?"

"Because they would— they'd pay me," says Jaskier desperately, and he _knows_ that he shouldn't be telling Rian this, shouldn't be burdening his little mind with such sordid topics, but suddenly he can't stop talking. "They'd pay for me to let them hurt me, so I'd let them. And then afterward, I'd tell myself it was okay, because I'd— I'd finally have enough coin to buy food. And I _needed_ food, Rian; we both needed food, and I hated to think of you being hungry inside me, and—"

"Please don't cry, Papa," says Rian, patting the small of Jaskier's back as Jaskier comes to a stop by the side of the street. "Don't cry."

And fuck, Jaskier _is_ crying, right in the middle of town, right in front of Rian.

"I'm sorry," he sniffs, wiping hurriedly at his eyes. "I'm sorry, honey." 

"It's okay," murmurs Rian, which only makes Jaskier cry harder. "Papa?" Rian says helplessly.

Jaskier exhales deeply, and wipes again at his eyes. He sniffles. Blinks. And finally, he stops crying. "I'm sorry," he repeats, more firmly this time. "I'm alright, Rian."

"You're not sad?"

"I am sad, a little," Jaskier admits. "But I'm okay."

"You're sad because of the Bad Men?"

"Yeah."

"But now there's no more Bad Men."

"That's right." Jaskier swallows. "You're right."

"And also you have a bed now so you can sleep really good. And you don't have to do... what's it called again?"

"What's what called?"

"When you ask for money."

"Oh. Begging," says Jaskier.

"Yeah. You don't have to do begging."

"That's true," Jaskier tells him.

"And I'm not hungry in your belly anymore."

"No."

"And the new baby isn't hungry either," adds Rian, pressing a kiss to Jaskier's rounded stomach.

Jaskier smiles. "You're right," he says.

Rian nods, and pats the bump gently with his little hand. "I love you, Baby," he whispers. Then he looks up at Jaskier with wide brown eyes. "It's cold," he says. "Let's go home."

So they do.

***

(The beggar is gone, when they pass by the place where he'd been sitting before.

"I hope he's okay," says Rian.

And Jaskier squeezes Rian’s hand, and hopes so too.)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and kudos make my life!
> 
> and if you have any prompt requests, [feel free to send them to me](https://ceteiq.tumblr.com/post/616491407371354112/hey-everyone-i-feel-like-spicing-up-my-life)!
> 
> also, subscribe to this [**series**](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719994) so you don't miss more ficlets when i post them! :)


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